you made it, when you're hated
checkpoint #7
→ quest "did i make it?" unlocked
→ energy: ▲▲△
Woke up with a weird feeling. Reached out to my trusted tarot reader and, even though I wasn’t sure if what she was saying applied to me, at one point she said something along the lines of: “stop denying it.” And for some reason, it made me tear up a little.
I feel good, that is true. I think I’m balancing my life quite well; I feel like a functional human most of the time. I’m trying my best to balance my external world with my internal one. One step at a time, I have an idea of what I want for my life.
Posted something in another app — different topics though — and people started liking it and following me. This is all me; people are interested in what I have to share! I’m shocked. I feel that what I do matters. I’ve been looking for that for such a long time... I didn’t even remember I wanted that.
Though my previous experience tells me “don’t fuck up, don’t fuck up.” Because if people start recognizing you, they’re also giving you a certain kind of power. I don’t mean like a mainstream influencer, but maybe on a smaller scale. And that’s kinda scary. Don’t fuck up, I tell myself. But I should also remind me: “enjoy this phase, enjoy the moment and have fun. This is only for you.”
I feel like my life is mine again. When I read about “take control of your life,” they meant this. I bought a kit to start one of my hobbies, my mom is coming over for tea time, and my dad is proud of me. I feel happy, blessed, and thankful.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to drift apart from people we care about — how life keeps moving and we sometimes forget to celebrate it together. I want to make space for small things that bring people closer: sharing tea, welcoming a new season, or simply being there. It’s scary to reach out when you’re not sure how it will be received, but I think it’s worth trying anyway.
I’m used to being left out, but not to the bitter feeling that comes with it. I’m learning to understand why that happens — how people, even with the best intentions, sometimes hurt each other out of their own fears or past pain. Relationships are complex, and healing takes time.
You gotta kill somebody to be somebody / To be who you wanna be / You gotta hit rock bottom to live through / All the shit nobody believes / You're gonna hurt some people, but first / Some people will thirst on watching you bleed / And that's when you know that you made it / You made it, when you're hated. (Hated by Yungblud; song)
Note for future self: do you have the courage to play this game? Autopsy Simulator
Wish me luck in this new part of my life, where I feel more in control, more motivated, and more excited to do something here with my time on this realm.
♫ now playing: [ supermarket simulator by Markiplier; gameplay ]